i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
