Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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