so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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