Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
