just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
