i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
