I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
