it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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