I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
