I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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