names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
