I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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