omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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