need another drink. this is the easiest way
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
