Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
