OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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