Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
