hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
