The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
