my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
