Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
