Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
