Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
