Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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