He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
