I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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