no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
