so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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