So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
