The maid of honor just puked.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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