just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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