So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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