I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
