I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
