Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
