just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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