Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
