Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
