Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
