I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
