it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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