I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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