I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
