Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We left an ass print on the piano.
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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