white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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