Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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