Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
