i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
