so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
