Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Enjoy the penises
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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