Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
