I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
