Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize