i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize