I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
