He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize