Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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