im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
