is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
