if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
