Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
