woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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