I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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