Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
