But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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