were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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