he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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